10 Lies..

i love my mum. she's the best mum one can ever get (aside from being over-NAGGY =x). and i know she nags because she loves me. 

my mum is MY mum. so when i was young i'll believe EVERYTHING she says! but as time goes by, i grew up only to find out that i've been living in a web of deceit! =(

why?

here's why...

10 things mummy dearest lied to me about

1. I'm picked up from the trash bin!

somehow, everytime i ask about where or how i come about, mummy will always say i'm picked up from a rubbish can (la ji tong). can you imagine how detrimental it is to a 7 year old child to know that he came from the very same place he vomits or throws trash into? 

FICTION!

2. Policeman will catch naughty children!

everytime mummy dearest brings me to a bank for any transactions, i'll keep damn damn quiet and sit on a chair. cos she'll say *while pointing to the guard*, "here got police ah. if you noisy or run about, THEY WILL CATCH YOU!" scary shit for a child to be manhandled by an intimidating-looking uniformed adult. now i know their job is not to babysit children. so, FICTION!

3. Weird favored soft-drinks!

soft-drinks which are dark in colour, eg. pepsi, coke and sarsi, are bitter. 

soft-drinks which are red in colour, eg cherrynade and salnaco, are spicy.

it's a lame trick intended to stop me from drinking soft-dranks. well. it. worked. then.

FICTION!

4. Eyes at the back of her head!

whenever mummy dearest is working or reading, i will try to sneak up to her, creeping slowly and taking care not to make any noise. somehow or rather, she always knows and will call out my name long before i even reach her. WHY? she told me that she tied an invisible string to my ankle and will always know where i am. HUH?! i was rather freaked out! tried in vain to remove it. how do i know my efforts are in vain? she STILL knows EVERYTIME.

then i understand physics. shiny windows can act as mirrors. FICTION!

5. Swallowing fruit seeds spells trouble!

"huh?! you swallowed a water-melon seed?!! oh no! a water-melon tree will grow out from the top of your your head!" enough said. FICTION!

6. Bad science.

"... oh no! a water-melon tree will grow out from..." water-melons don't grow on trees! FICTION!

7. Point at moon and it will cut your ear.

this is freakishly true! can someone tell me why? =x

somehow it only works when i'm a kid. i tried again and again after i grew up. no cuts! i bet my mum secretly takes a pen-knife and cuts my ear when i'm asleep back then! =x

either way.. FICTION!

8. Left-over rice bits = pimples on your future wife's face

the shinier my rice plate is, the smoother my future wife's face will be. a few grains of rice all over the plate will mean all the pimples on her face. or so she says.

it this is true, then my future wife must have hardly touched her rice everyday. 

now i know how smooth your wife's face is/how pretty she is will depend on how deep your pockets are. anyway, it's FICTION!

9. "Next time then i buy for you k?"

she repeats this everytime i want a new toy. somehow her "next time" never comes. FICTON!

10. Fearsome MANG-KA-LI!!!

pardon this racist statement but.. KIDS ARE TERRIFIED OF BIG DARK MEN IN TURBANS. so when mummy dearest say MANG-KA-LI will catch me (when i misbehave), i'll be scared shitless. i secretly believe she has some sort of connection to the Sikh community cos each time the threat was made, a scary-looking Sikh man in turban always appears in our immediate proximity! =x

best thing = a MANG-KA-LI policeman in a bank!

nabeh, this one really takes the cake.

sidenote:

this is a damn late mother's day post. 

i love you mummy! =)